Currently reading: "8th Confession" by James Patterson
Ok, ok. So I'm not the most on top of it person when it comes to blogging.
New in the library:
Quarterly scolding where we are told we aren't up to snuff in the customer service area, and this is somehow related to a time clock being installed. A biometric time clock relying on fingerprints. Only the best for your tax dollars.
On to the Doozy!
As we are painfully aware, the library is a place for all. We should have the plaque that says bring us your tired, your dirty, your crabby pants, like the Liberty Lady. Last night, a co-worker and I were on the reference desk (well, I was sort of passing through since I had a program going on), and I looked over to my left and saw the moon. A FULL moon, if you get my meaning. We have a blind boy/child (BBC, who I think is like 17) who comes in and hangs out while his mom goes on the computer. Apparently, your senses really aren't sharper when you are missing one, because otherwise his sense of touch would have told him his ass was exposed to the air. Serious, serious ass, like pants down around his thighs.
At this point, I had to leave to check on my program, deserting my poor co-worker and some random lady on the Internet to giggle silently at the sight of bare ass on a library chair.
Later, my co-worker, AKA The One Left Behind (ha, behind), said at some point, BBC stood, hitched his pants up, and wandered around whispering, "Mother. Mother. I'm falling asleep" as he tapped about with his cane. Eventually, his mother came and collected him (and his ass) and they all went home.
If only we had biometric chairs so BBC's ass would be recognized the next time he came to the library...
Showing posts with label desk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label desk. Show all posts
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Learn The Lingo
Currently reading: "Run For Your Life" by James Patterson
Today, my co-worker came up with a great new term: shmumbling. It's when a patron somehow manages to shout and mumble at the same time, making it nearly impossible to figure out what's being said at a volume level that makes you think you should be getting more out of the exchange.
A man came in wanting to find out the NADA value of his truck, and he was a little sketchy on the details, like was it a V6 or a V8. He had a THICK accent, and it was sort of what I think Luigi from Mario Brothers would sound like if he tried to speak English. Luigi would totally be a shmumbler if he were a real dude. After my co-worker spent about 12 painful, shmumbly minutes drawing out some info, when she told him the value, he shmumbled, "Can't be right! Is worth more."
Great new word out of a weird interaction.
Today, my co-worker came up with a great new term: shmumbling. It's when a patron somehow manages to shout and mumble at the same time, making it nearly impossible to figure out what's being said at a volume level that makes you think you should be getting more out of the exchange.
A man came in wanting to find out the NADA value of his truck, and he was a little sketchy on the details, like was it a V6 or a V8. He had a THICK accent, and it was sort of what I think Luigi from Mario Brothers would sound like if he tried to speak English. Luigi would totally be a shmumbler if he were a real dude. After my co-worker spent about 12 painful, shmumbly minutes drawing out some info, when she told him the value, he shmumbled, "Can't be right! Is worth more."
Great new word out of a weird interaction.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
It Is Possible To Be That Dumb
Currently reading: "Lethal Legacy" by Linda Fairstein
There is an assignment for AP English this month to read a non-fiction book. That's it. That's the whole assignment. Just pick a non-fiction book out of the millions or so that exist and read it.
We've had a few students come in over the past few days and ask for help finding a non-fiction book. I start by asking what kind of fiction they like to read or what kind of TV shows they like to watch to sort of get a feel for what kind of non-fiction book would be appealing.
Today, a student came in needing help, and somehow we ended up in a Who's On First sort of loop where I said non-fiction and she would say no it CAN'T be fiction and I was like right I understand a book that is true, a non-fiction book and she'd say but it can't be fiction. Then I punched her in the head. No wait. I wanted to though. She was really not with it. At all. For an AP English student, she was really clueless.
I asked her if she read fiction and she said yes. I asked her what kind of fiction she read and she said nothing. Not that she was silent, she literally said Nothing, as if that was a type of fiction.
She also kept saying her non-fiction book had to have things written in the back, that someone had told her "good" non-fiction books had things written in the back. Those "things" were later determined to be an index.
Seriously? She had no clue.
The curious part was that she had somehow managed to find the one book that is sort of non-fiction, sort of fiction: "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. Apparently, she brought that one in first and her teacher said it didn't count because it was fiction. It had a non-fiction call number on it, so that was very confusing for her. I think life is very confusing for her. She was really set on a drug addiction book. She said she had tried "Sybil" and she didn't like it because she felt like she was invading the writer's head and she felt like that was rude. She didn't want to be inside someone's head. She isn't even in her own head, so maybe it was a good idea for her to not wander around other people's heads too much.
Anyway, she finally ended up with some book about therapists who have sex with their clients. It took at least 25 minutes to make that magic happen.
The time spent would have been fine, except I was alone on the desk, and people had started lining up somewhere during the 17th book I presented for her approval and the 40th.
It's hard out here for a pimp.
There is an assignment for AP English this month to read a non-fiction book. That's it. That's the whole assignment. Just pick a non-fiction book out of the millions or so that exist and read it.
We've had a few students come in over the past few days and ask for help finding a non-fiction book. I start by asking what kind of fiction they like to read or what kind of TV shows they like to watch to sort of get a feel for what kind of non-fiction book would be appealing.
Today, a student came in needing help, and somehow we ended up in a Who's On First sort of loop where I said non-fiction and she would say no it CAN'T be fiction and I was like right I understand a book that is true, a non-fiction book and she'd say but it can't be fiction. Then I punched her in the head. No wait. I wanted to though. She was really not with it. At all. For an AP English student, she was really clueless.
I asked her if she read fiction and she said yes. I asked her what kind of fiction she read and she said nothing. Not that she was silent, she literally said Nothing, as if that was a type of fiction.
She also kept saying her non-fiction book had to have things written in the back, that someone had told her "good" non-fiction books had things written in the back. Those "things" were later determined to be an index.
Seriously? She had no clue.
The curious part was that she had somehow managed to find the one book that is sort of non-fiction, sort of fiction: "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. Apparently, she brought that one in first and her teacher said it didn't count because it was fiction. It had a non-fiction call number on it, so that was very confusing for her. I think life is very confusing for her. She was really set on a drug addiction book. She said she had tried "Sybil" and she didn't like it because she felt like she was invading the writer's head and she felt like that was rude. She didn't want to be inside someone's head. She isn't even in her own head, so maybe it was a good idea for her to not wander around other people's heads too much.
Anyway, she finally ended up with some book about therapists who have sex with their clients. It took at least 25 minutes to make that magic happen.
The time spent would have been fine, except I was alone on the desk, and people had started lining up somewhere during the 17th book I presented for her approval and the 40th.
It's hard out here for a pimp.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Half the Battle
Currently reading: "Whisper in the Dark" by Robert Gregory Browne
Today, a woman came in looking for information on hemophilia. She was trying to help her daughter, who had to write a paper on the topic. We see lots of parents who are doing the work their kids are supposed to be doing. I always wondered what happened later to kids whose parents did their homework. What would college be like for them? How would they cope if they were used to being "helped" all the time? I asked how old the patron's daughter was, to make sure she didn't need kid level books.
Her answer? 37.
Maybe you are never too old to have your mom do your homework.
Today, a woman came in looking for information on hemophilia. She was trying to help her daughter, who had to write a paper on the topic. We see lots of parents who are doing the work their kids are supposed to be doing. I always wondered what happened later to kids whose parents did their homework. What would college be like for them? How would they cope if they were used to being "helped" all the time? I asked how old the patron's daughter was, to make sure she didn't need kid level books.
Her answer? 37.
Maybe you are never too old to have your mom do your homework.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Gimme Something
Currently reading: "Thin Is The New Happy" by Valerie Frankel
A man wandered in today, asking for a book. He knew neither a title nor an author. He just knew the book was big and expensive. It was an art book done by a female artist who was "famous for Indians hidden in the woods." It was sort of like a magic eye book, but not really. It was a sort of recent book, but not really.
THROW ME A BONE HERE PEOPLE! I can't do this all myself.
My arms are sore from the heavy lifting I do around here.
******UPDATE!*******
Thanks to a comment from a lovely reader, the mystery has been solved! I stand corrected--it is easy to find books/authors/concepts/etc. if you know how to look for them or if you happen to have heard of the topic/idea/person before. I will never forget this lady/idea/series so the next time I see the patron, I can tell him of the discovery. Thanks!
A man wandered in today, asking for a book. He knew neither a title nor an author. He just knew the book was big and expensive. It was an art book done by a female artist who was "famous for Indians hidden in the woods." It was sort of like a magic eye book, but not really. It was a sort of recent book, but not really.
THROW ME A BONE HERE PEOPLE! I can't do this all myself.
My arms are sore from the heavy lifting I do around here.
******UPDATE!*******
Thanks to a comment from a lovely reader, the mystery has been solved! I stand corrected--it is easy to find books/authors/concepts/etc. if you know how to look for them or if you happen to have heard of the topic/idea/person before. I will never forget this lady/idea/series so the next time I see the patron, I can tell him of the discovery. Thanks!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The One In Which I Am A Douche
Currently reading: "Naughty Little Secrets" by Mary Wilbon
A blind man came into the library asking for some help. I, of course, ask him, "What are you looking for?" without thinking. Blind Man says, "I wish I could look for anything" and then I felt appropriately ashamed.
Once, a pair of people using sign language was walking toward the quiet study room, which my boss is a Nazi about accosting people who seem to be heading there to remind them they are not allowed to talk when they are inside that room. So she went up to the deaf people WHO WERE SIGNING and told them they couldn't talk in the quiet study room. The deaf people asked for paper, then wrote down "We are deaf. We won't be talking."
Maybe we need some sensitivity training.
A blind man came into the library asking for some help. I, of course, ask him, "What are you looking for?" without thinking. Blind Man says, "I wish I could look for anything" and then I felt appropriately ashamed.
Once, a pair of people using sign language was walking toward the quiet study room, which my boss is a Nazi about accosting people who seem to be heading there to remind them they are not allowed to talk when they are inside that room. So she went up to the deaf people WHO WERE SIGNING and told them they couldn't talk in the quiet study room. The deaf people asked for paper, then wrote down "We are deaf. We won't be talking."
Maybe we need some sensitivity training.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
We're Not A Museum, Ma'am
Currently reading: "Does This Book Make Me Look Fat?" ed. by Marissa Walsh
Yesterday, a mother called asking if we had any original documents from Colonial America. She specifically said they couldn't be reproductions, because her son's teacher wanted works written by someone from Colonial America in the author's actual handwriting.
I know this may seem odd, but...well...you see, sadly, due to budget constraints, we are unable to house a large collection of original works from Ben Franklin or Pat Henry here at the library.
I asked her to read me the assignment from the sheet, so maybe I could make sense of it. Eventually, we agreed that she could probably make a photocopy of something or print out an image of the handwritten document. I suggested she could try Poor Richard's Almanack by Benjamin Franklin. She said she had never heard of Poor Richard or Benjamin Franklin, but she had heard of Little Richard.
Close enough.
Yesterday, a mother called asking if we had any original documents from Colonial America. She specifically said they couldn't be reproductions, because her son's teacher wanted works written by someone from Colonial America in the author's actual handwriting.
I know this may seem odd, but...well...you see, sadly, due to budget constraints, we are unable to house a large collection of original works from Ben Franklin or Pat Henry here at the library.
I asked her to read me the assignment from the sheet, so maybe I could make sense of it. Eventually, we agreed that she could probably make a photocopy of something or print out an image of the handwritten document. I suggested she could try Poor Richard's Almanack by Benjamin Franklin. She said she had never heard of Poor Richard or Benjamin Franklin, but she had heard of Little Richard.
Close enough.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hidden Talents
Currently reading: "Travel Writing" by Peter Perry
There is nothing better than someone who takes himself a little too seriously. Or maybe nothing worse. A man told a co-worker he was such a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert that he is to be considered armed and dangerous at all times, even when in the shower. I'm not sure why he had to throw that last part in there, but he did. I'm not trying to say he couldn't be a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert, but he sort of loses the element of surprise by telling people about his hands slash weapons. What if someone was around that he would have had to fight later (outside and not near the library, of course)?
There is nothing better than someone who takes himself a little too seriously. Or maybe nothing worse. A man told a co-worker he was such a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert that he is to be considered armed and dangerous at all times, even when in the shower. I'm not sure why he had to throw that last part in there, but he did. I'm not trying to say he couldn't be a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert, but he sort of loses the element of surprise by telling people about his hands slash weapons. What if someone was around that he would have had to fight later (outside and not near the library, of course)?
Friday, January 30, 2009
Free!
Currently reading: "Have You Found Her" by Janice Erlbaum
You know the woman on the Progressive commercials that gets really excited about helping others save money on their car insurance? That's me when I help others realize they can use the library for free.
It honestly amazes me the number of people that come into the library that think they will have to pay to check out books. I mean, I know there are some places where you pay to check out DVDs or video games or new releases as a zoom lend, but I'd say about 90% of items are free for the borrowing.
Shouldn't there be some kind of public service announcement shouting that from the rooftops? Due to the economy, we are getting a lot more people in that have never been here before, and that's great. Things are free here, dudes. Well, free in the way that you don't have to pay, but you are already paying with your taxes, so you may as well get in here and take out what's yours.
Just remember to return it so others can feel the love that is the library.
You know the woman on the Progressive commercials that gets really excited about helping others save money on their car insurance? That's me when I help others realize they can use the library for free.
It honestly amazes me the number of people that come into the library that think they will have to pay to check out books. I mean, I know there are some places where you pay to check out DVDs or video games or new releases as a zoom lend, but I'd say about 90% of items are free for the borrowing.
Shouldn't there be some kind of public service announcement shouting that from the rooftops? Due to the economy, we are getting a lot more people in that have never been here before, and that's great. Things are free here, dudes. Well, free in the way that you don't have to pay, but you are already paying with your taxes, so you may as well get in here and take out what's yours.
Just remember to return it so others can feel the love that is the library.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Personal Space
Currently reading: "Have You Found Her" by Janice Erlbaum
I have a thing about the reference desk. It's a barrier, people, and it's one for a reason. We keep things back here we use a lot, and things that are irreplaceable, as well as it just being my workspace. It drives me seriously crazy when people come behind the reference desk. I will turn my screen around so you can see what I'm doing, no problem. I will get you anything back here you see that you want, no problem.
There was a man who sort of wandered back there this afternoon, and stayed. He picked up some book and just stood behind the desk reading it. We weren't sure if he would eventually wander away, or if he really didn't think it was weird to stand up and read a book behind a desk that wasn't his. He did wander away, after about 10 minutes. I guess we let it go on that long because we kept thinking that at any minute he would leave. After 10, he did.
Also, we had a sighting of Captain Cock, who has possibly the world's largest penis. This is a fact that can be verified through his clothes. There was once an incident where a woman on a computer next to him accused him of masturbating to which he replied, "No ma'am. That's just the natural size of my manhood. I was adjusting." The woman was really upset so the assistant director had to come and get both sides of the story and it was pretty humiliating for everyone. We haven't seen him much since, but he was here yesterday. It honestly is like a bat in his pants. Not the flying bat kind either, the wooden baseball bat kind. (Yep, I said wood. Pun intended.)
I have a thing about the reference desk. It's a barrier, people, and it's one for a reason. We keep things back here we use a lot, and things that are irreplaceable, as well as it just being my workspace. It drives me seriously crazy when people come behind the reference desk. I will turn my screen around so you can see what I'm doing, no problem. I will get you anything back here you see that you want, no problem.
There was a man who sort of wandered back there this afternoon, and stayed. He picked up some book and just stood behind the desk reading it. We weren't sure if he would eventually wander away, or if he really didn't think it was weird to stand up and read a book behind a desk that wasn't his. He did wander away, after about 10 minutes. I guess we let it go on that long because we kept thinking that at any minute he would leave. After 10, he did.
Also, we had a sighting of Captain Cock, who has possibly the world's largest penis. This is a fact that can be verified through his clothes. There was once an incident where a woman on a computer next to him accused him of masturbating to which he replied, "No ma'am. That's just the natural size of my manhood. I was adjusting." The woman was really upset so the assistant director had to come and get both sides of the story and it was pretty humiliating for everyone. We haven't seen him much since, but he was here yesterday. It honestly is like a bat in his pants. Not the flying bat kind either, the wooden baseball bat kind. (Yep, I said wood. Pun intended.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
