Currently reading: "8th Confession" by James Patterson
Ok, ok. So I'm not the most on top of it person when it comes to blogging.
New in the library:
Quarterly scolding where we are told we aren't up to snuff in the customer service area, and this is somehow related to a time clock being installed. A biometric time clock relying on fingerprints. Only the best for your tax dollars.
On to the Doozy!
As we are painfully aware, the library is a place for all. We should have the plaque that says bring us your tired, your dirty, your crabby pants, like the Liberty Lady. Last night, a co-worker and I were on the reference desk (well, I was sort of passing through since I had a program going on), and I looked over to my left and saw the moon. A FULL moon, if you get my meaning. We have a blind boy/child (BBC, who I think is like 17) who comes in and hangs out while his mom goes on the computer. Apparently, your senses really aren't sharper when you are missing one, because otherwise his sense of touch would have told him his ass was exposed to the air. Serious, serious ass, like pants down around his thighs.
At this point, I had to leave to check on my program, deserting my poor co-worker and some random lady on the Internet to giggle silently at the sight of bare ass on a library chair.
Later, my co-worker, AKA The One Left Behind (ha, behind), said at some point, BBC stood, hitched his pants up, and wandered around whispering, "Mother. Mother. I'm falling asleep" as he tapped about with his cane. Eventually, his mother came and collected him (and his ass) and they all went home.
If only we had biometric chairs so BBC's ass would be recognized the next time he came to the library...
Showing posts with label insanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insanity. Show all posts
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Learn The Lingo
Currently reading: "Run For Your Life" by James Patterson
Today, my co-worker came up with a great new term: shmumbling. It's when a patron somehow manages to shout and mumble at the same time, making it nearly impossible to figure out what's being said at a volume level that makes you think you should be getting more out of the exchange.
A man came in wanting to find out the NADA value of his truck, and he was a little sketchy on the details, like was it a V6 or a V8. He had a THICK accent, and it was sort of what I think Luigi from Mario Brothers would sound like if he tried to speak English. Luigi would totally be a shmumbler if he were a real dude. After my co-worker spent about 12 painful, shmumbly minutes drawing out some info, when she told him the value, he shmumbled, "Can't be right! Is worth more."
Great new word out of a weird interaction.
Today, my co-worker came up with a great new term: shmumbling. It's when a patron somehow manages to shout and mumble at the same time, making it nearly impossible to figure out what's being said at a volume level that makes you think you should be getting more out of the exchange.
A man came in wanting to find out the NADA value of his truck, and he was a little sketchy on the details, like was it a V6 or a V8. He had a THICK accent, and it was sort of what I think Luigi from Mario Brothers would sound like if he tried to speak English. Luigi would totally be a shmumbler if he were a real dude. After my co-worker spent about 12 painful, shmumbly minutes drawing out some info, when she told him the value, he shmumbled, "Can't be right! Is worth more."
Great new word out of a weird interaction.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
It Is Possible To Be That Dumb
Currently reading: "Lethal Legacy" by Linda Fairstein
There is an assignment for AP English this month to read a non-fiction book. That's it. That's the whole assignment. Just pick a non-fiction book out of the millions or so that exist and read it.
We've had a few students come in over the past few days and ask for help finding a non-fiction book. I start by asking what kind of fiction they like to read or what kind of TV shows they like to watch to sort of get a feel for what kind of non-fiction book would be appealing.
Today, a student came in needing help, and somehow we ended up in a Who's On First sort of loop where I said non-fiction and she would say no it CAN'T be fiction and I was like right I understand a book that is true, a non-fiction book and she'd say but it can't be fiction. Then I punched her in the head. No wait. I wanted to though. She was really not with it. At all. For an AP English student, she was really clueless.
I asked her if she read fiction and she said yes. I asked her what kind of fiction she read and she said nothing. Not that she was silent, she literally said Nothing, as if that was a type of fiction.
She also kept saying her non-fiction book had to have things written in the back, that someone had told her "good" non-fiction books had things written in the back. Those "things" were later determined to be an index.
Seriously? She had no clue.
The curious part was that she had somehow managed to find the one book that is sort of non-fiction, sort of fiction: "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. Apparently, she brought that one in first and her teacher said it didn't count because it was fiction. It had a non-fiction call number on it, so that was very confusing for her. I think life is very confusing for her. She was really set on a drug addiction book. She said she had tried "Sybil" and she didn't like it because she felt like she was invading the writer's head and she felt like that was rude. She didn't want to be inside someone's head. She isn't even in her own head, so maybe it was a good idea for her to not wander around other people's heads too much.
Anyway, she finally ended up with some book about therapists who have sex with their clients. It took at least 25 minutes to make that magic happen.
The time spent would have been fine, except I was alone on the desk, and people had started lining up somewhere during the 17th book I presented for her approval and the 40th.
It's hard out here for a pimp.
There is an assignment for AP English this month to read a non-fiction book. That's it. That's the whole assignment. Just pick a non-fiction book out of the millions or so that exist and read it.
We've had a few students come in over the past few days and ask for help finding a non-fiction book. I start by asking what kind of fiction they like to read or what kind of TV shows they like to watch to sort of get a feel for what kind of non-fiction book would be appealing.
Today, a student came in needing help, and somehow we ended up in a Who's On First sort of loop where I said non-fiction and she would say no it CAN'T be fiction and I was like right I understand a book that is true, a non-fiction book and she'd say but it can't be fiction. Then I punched her in the head. No wait. I wanted to though. She was really not with it. At all. For an AP English student, she was really clueless.
I asked her if she read fiction and she said yes. I asked her what kind of fiction she read and she said nothing. Not that she was silent, she literally said Nothing, as if that was a type of fiction.
She also kept saying her non-fiction book had to have things written in the back, that someone had told her "good" non-fiction books had things written in the back. Those "things" were later determined to be an index.
Seriously? She had no clue.
The curious part was that she had somehow managed to find the one book that is sort of non-fiction, sort of fiction: "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. Apparently, she brought that one in first and her teacher said it didn't count because it was fiction. It had a non-fiction call number on it, so that was very confusing for her. I think life is very confusing for her. She was really set on a drug addiction book. She said she had tried "Sybil" and she didn't like it because she felt like she was invading the writer's head and she felt like that was rude. She didn't want to be inside someone's head. She isn't even in her own head, so maybe it was a good idea for her to not wander around other people's heads too much.
Anyway, she finally ended up with some book about therapists who have sex with their clients. It took at least 25 minutes to make that magic happen.
The time spent would have been fine, except I was alone on the desk, and people had started lining up somewhere during the 17th book I presented for her approval and the 40th.
It's hard out here for a pimp.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Running Wild Stream Swimmer
Currently reading: "Who By Fire" by Diana Spechler
Here at the library, we refer to people by their base characteristics as a way to name them. I just walked by the lady I think of as "Woman With No Neck". I guess it's almost like an Indian name. Native American name? Maybe mine is "Culturally Insensitive Girl".
Some favorites:
"Gay Porn Surfer With Dreads"
"Man Who Looks Like Piggie"
"Suspenders"
"Lady Who Wears White Gloves While Typing"
"Woman Who Smells Like Pepper"
"Homeschool Long Skirt Family"
"Guy Who Always Stays Past Closing"
"MySpace Girl"
"Caterpillar Mustache"
Here at the library, we refer to people by their base characteristics as a way to name them. I just walked by the lady I think of as "Woman With No Neck". I guess it's almost like an Indian name. Native American name? Maybe mine is "Culturally Insensitive Girl".
Some favorites:
"Gay Porn Surfer With Dreads"
"Man Who Looks Like Piggie"
"Suspenders"
"Lady Who Wears White Gloves While Typing"
"Woman Who Smells Like Pepper"
"Homeschool Long Skirt Family"
"Guy Who Always Stays Past Closing"
"MySpace Girl"
"Caterpillar Mustache"
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Gimme Something
Currently reading: "Thin Is The New Happy" by Valerie Frankel
A man wandered in today, asking for a book. He knew neither a title nor an author. He just knew the book was big and expensive. It was an art book done by a female artist who was "famous for Indians hidden in the woods." It was sort of like a magic eye book, but not really. It was a sort of recent book, but not really.
THROW ME A BONE HERE PEOPLE! I can't do this all myself.
My arms are sore from the heavy lifting I do around here.
******UPDATE!*******
Thanks to a comment from a lovely reader, the mystery has been solved! I stand corrected--it is easy to find books/authors/concepts/etc. if you know how to look for them or if you happen to have heard of the topic/idea/person before. I will never forget this lady/idea/series so the next time I see the patron, I can tell him of the discovery. Thanks!
A man wandered in today, asking for a book. He knew neither a title nor an author. He just knew the book was big and expensive. It was an art book done by a female artist who was "famous for Indians hidden in the woods." It was sort of like a magic eye book, but not really. It was a sort of recent book, but not really.
THROW ME A BONE HERE PEOPLE! I can't do this all myself.
My arms are sore from the heavy lifting I do around here.
******UPDATE!*******
Thanks to a comment from a lovely reader, the mystery has been solved! I stand corrected--it is easy to find books/authors/concepts/etc. if you know how to look for them or if you happen to have heard of the topic/idea/person before. I will never forget this lady/idea/series so the next time I see the patron, I can tell him of the discovery. Thanks!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
We're Not A Museum, Ma'am
Currently reading: "Does This Book Make Me Look Fat?" ed. by Marissa Walsh
Yesterday, a mother called asking if we had any original documents from Colonial America. She specifically said they couldn't be reproductions, because her son's teacher wanted works written by someone from Colonial America in the author's actual handwriting.
I know this may seem odd, but...well...you see, sadly, due to budget constraints, we are unable to house a large collection of original works from Ben Franklin or Pat Henry here at the library.
I asked her to read me the assignment from the sheet, so maybe I could make sense of it. Eventually, we agreed that she could probably make a photocopy of something or print out an image of the handwritten document. I suggested she could try Poor Richard's Almanack by Benjamin Franklin. She said she had never heard of Poor Richard or Benjamin Franklin, but she had heard of Little Richard.
Close enough.
Yesterday, a mother called asking if we had any original documents from Colonial America. She specifically said they couldn't be reproductions, because her son's teacher wanted works written by someone from Colonial America in the author's actual handwriting.
I know this may seem odd, but...well...you see, sadly, due to budget constraints, we are unable to house a large collection of original works from Ben Franklin or Pat Henry here at the library.
I asked her to read me the assignment from the sheet, so maybe I could make sense of it. Eventually, we agreed that she could probably make a photocopy of something or print out an image of the handwritten document. I suggested she could try Poor Richard's Almanack by Benjamin Franklin. She said she had never heard of Poor Richard or Benjamin Franklin, but she had heard of Little Richard.
Close enough.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hidden Talents
Currently reading: "Travel Writing" by Peter Perry
There is nothing better than someone who takes himself a little too seriously. Or maybe nothing worse. A man told a co-worker he was such a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert that he is to be considered armed and dangerous at all times, even when in the shower. I'm not sure why he had to throw that last part in there, but he did. I'm not trying to say he couldn't be a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert, but he sort of loses the element of surprise by telling people about his hands slash weapons. What if someone was around that he would have had to fight later (outside and not near the library, of course)?
There is nothing better than someone who takes himself a little too seriously. Or maybe nothing worse. A man told a co-worker he was such a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert that he is to be considered armed and dangerous at all times, even when in the shower. I'm not sure why he had to throw that last part in there, but he did. I'm not trying to say he couldn't be a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert, but he sort of loses the element of surprise by telling people about his hands slash weapons. What if someone was around that he would have had to fight later (outside and not near the library, of course)?
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