Currently reading: "Glamour" by Louise Bagshawe
To use our computers, you have to have a library card and a PIN number. The default pin is 1234 or the last 4 digits of your phone number. People forget, or change it, or think they never had one, so it's common for us to look up people's PINs and remind them.
Today, my co-worker had a 14 year old girl come and ask to be reminded of her PIN. Well, apparently she had changed it from the default at some point to be FUCKME12.
How could you forget a PIN like that? Maybe she was trying FUCKME69 and got confused.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Insert Moon/Ass Joke Here
Currently reading: "8th Confession" by James Patterson
Ok, ok. So I'm not the most on top of it person when it comes to blogging.
New in the library:
Quarterly scolding where we are told we aren't up to snuff in the customer service area, and this is somehow related to a time clock being installed. A biometric time clock relying on fingerprints. Only the best for your tax dollars.
On to the Doozy!
As we are painfully aware, the library is a place for all. We should have the plaque that says bring us your tired, your dirty, your crabby pants, like the Liberty Lady. Last night, a co-worker and I were on the reference desk (well, I was sort of passing through since I had a program going on), and I looked over to my left and saw the moon. A FULL moon, if you get my meaning. We have a blind boy/child (BBC, who I think is like 17) who comes in and hangs out while his mom goes on the computer. Apparently, your senses really aren't sharper when you are missing one, because otherwise his sense of touch would have told him his ass was exposed to the air. Serious, serious ass, like pants down around his thighs.
At this point, I had to leave to check on my program, deserting my poor co-worker and some random lady on the Internet to giggle silently at the sight of bare ass on a library chair.
Later, my co-worker, AKA The One Left Behind (ha, behind), said at some point, BBC stood, hitched his pants up, and wandered around whispering, "Mother. Mother. I'm falling asleep" as he tapped about with his cane. Eventually, his mother came and collected him (and his ass) and they all went home.
If only we had biometric chairs so BBC's ass would be recognized the next time he came to the library...
Ok, ok. So I'm not the most on top of it person when it comes to blogging.
New in the library:
Quarterly scolding where we are told we aren't up to snuff in the customer service area, and this is somehow related to a time clock being installed. A biometric time clock relying on fingerprints. Only the best for your tax dollars.
On to the Doozy!
As we are painfully aware, the library is a place for all. We should have the plaque that says bring us your tired, your dirty, your crabby pants, like the Liberty Lady. Last night, a co-worker and I were on the reference desk (well, I was sort of passing through since I had a program going on), and I looked over to my left and saw the moon. A FULL moon, if you get my meaning. We have a blind boy/child (BBC, who I think is like 17) who comes in and hangs out while his mom goes on the computer. Apparently, your senses really aren't sharper when you are missing one, because otherwise his sense of touch would have told him his ass was exposed to the air. Serious, serious ass, like pants down around his thighs.
At this point, I had to leave to check on my program, deserting my poor co-worker and some random lady on the Internet to giggle silently at the sight of bare ass on a library chair.
Later, my co-worker, AKA The One Left Behind (ha, behind), said at some point, BBC stood, hitched his pants up, and wandered around whispering, "Mother. Mother. I'm falling asleep" as he tapped about with his cane. Eventually, his mother came and collected him (and his ass) and they all went home.
If only we had biometric chairs so BBC's ass would be recognized the next time he came to the library...
Friday, April 17, 2009
Cutest. OldDude. Ever.
Currently reading: "My Booky Wook" by Russell Brand
A cute old man came in wanting to use the computer. He had on a cap with loads of pins about being a vet and a navy man. Anyway, he was quick witted, and we were joking a little as he first came to the desk and I helped him sign on to the PC. Then he came over later and asked if I had a few minutes to spend with him. I said, "What do you want me for?" and he said, "I'd like to say 20 minutes but it's usually more like 4".
Somehow, him saying it wasn't dirty; it was hysterical.
A cute old man came in wanting to use the computer. He had on a cap with loads of pins about being a vet and a navy man. Anyway, he was quick witted, and we were joking a little as he first came to the desk and I helped him sign on to the PC. Then he came over later and asked if I had a few minutes to spend with him. I said, "What do you want me for?" and he said, "I'd like to say 20 minutes but it's usually more like 4".
Somehow, him saying it wasn't dirty; it was hysterical.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Learn The Lingo
Currently reading: "Run For Your Life" by James Patterson
Today, my co-worker came up with a great new term: shmumbling. It's when a patron somehow manages to shout and mumble at the same time, making it nearly impossible to figure out what's being said at a volume level that makes you think you should be getting more out of the exchange.
A man came in wanting to find out the NADA value of his truck, and he was a little sketchy on the details, like was it a V6 or a V8. He had a THICK accent, and it was sort of what I think Luigi from Mario Brothers would sound like if he tried to speak English. Luigi would totally be a shmumbler if he were a real dude. After my co-worker spent about 12 painful, shmumbly minutes drawing out some info, when she told him the value, he shmumbled, "Can't be right! Is worth more."
Great new word out of a weird interaction.
Today, my co-worker came up with a great new term: shmumbling. It's when a patron somehow manages to shout and mumble at the same time, making it nearly impossible to figure out what's being said at a volume level that makes you think you should be getting more out of the exchange.
A man came in wanting to find out the NADA value of his truck, and he was a little sketchy on the details, like was it a V6 or a V8. He had a THICK accent, and it was sort of what I think Luigi from Mario Brothers would sound like if he tried to speak English. Luigi would totally be a shmumbler if he were a real dude. After my co-worker spent about 12 painful, shmumbly minutes drawing out some info, when she told him the value, he shmumbled, "Can't be right! Is worth more."
Great new word out of a weird interaction.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
It Is Possible To Be That Dumb
Currently reading: "Lethal Legacy" by Linda Fairstein
There is an assignment for AP English this month to read a non-fiction book. That's it. That's the whole assignment. Just pick a non-fiction book out of the millions or so that exist and read it.
We've had a few students come in over the past few days and ask for help finding a non-fiction book. I start by asking what kind of fiction they like to read or what kind of TV shows they like to watch to sort of get a feel for what kind of non-fiction book would be appealing.
Today, a student came in needing help, and somehow we ended up in a Who's On First sort of loop where I said non-fiction and she would say no it CAN'T be fiction and I was like right I understand a book that is true, a non-fiction book and she'd say but it can't be fiction. Then I punched her in the head. No wait. I wanted to though. She was really not with it. At all. For an AP English student, she was really clueless.
I asked her if she read fiction and she said yes. I asked her what kind of fiction she read and she said nothing. Not that she was silent, she literally said Nothing, as if that was a type of fiction.
She also kept saying her non-fiction book had to have things written in the back, that someone had told her "good" non-fiction books had things written in the back. Those "things" were later determined to be an index.
Seriously? She had no clue.
The curious part was that she had somehow managed to find the one book that is sort of non-fiction, sort of fiction: "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. Apparently, she brought that one in first and her teacher said it didn't count because it was fiction. It had a non-fiction call number on it, so that was very confusing for her. I think life is very confusing for her. She was really set on a drug addiction book. She said she had tried "Sybil" and she didn't like it because she felt like she was invading the writer's head and she felt like that was rude. She didn't want to be inside someone's head. She isn't even in her own head, so maybe it was a good idea for her to not wander around other people's heads too much.
Anyway, she finally ended up with some book about therapists who have sex with their clients. It took at least 25 minutes to make that magic happen.
The time spent would have been fine, except I was alone on the desk, and people had started lining up somewhere during the 17th book I presented for her approval and the 40th.
It's hard out here for a pimp.
There is an assignment for AP English this month to read a non-fiction book. That's it. That's the whole assignment. Just pick a non-fiction book out of the millions or so that exist and read it.
We've had a few students come in over the past few days and ask for help finding a non-fiction book. I start by asking what kind of fiction they like to read or what kind of TV shows they like to watch to sort of get a feel for what kind of non-fiction book would be appealing.
Today, a student came in needing help, and somehow we ended up in a Who's On First sort of loop where I said non-fiction and she would say no it CAN'T be fiction and I was like right I understand a book that is true, a non-fiction book and she'd say but it can't be fiction. Then I punched her in the head. No wait. I wanted to though. She was really not with it. At all. For an AP English student, she was really clueless.
I asked her if she read fiction and she said yes. I asked her what kind of fiction she read and she said nothing. Not that she was silent, she literally said Nothing, as if that was a type of fiction.
She also kept saying her non-fiction book had to have things written in the back, that someone had told her "good" non-fiction books had things written in the back. Those "things" were later determined to be an index.
Seriously? She had no clue.
The curious part was that she had somehow managed to find the one book that is sort of non-fiction, sort of fiction: "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. Apparently, she brought that one in first and her teacher said it didn't count because it was fiction. It had a non-fiction call number on it, so that was very confusing for her. I think life is very confusing for her. She was really set on a drug addiction book. She said she had tried "Sybil" and she didn't like it because she felt like she was invading the writer's head and she felt like that was rude. She didn't want to be inside someone's head. She isn't even in her own head, so maybe it was a good idea for her to not wander around other people's heads too much.
Anyway, she finally ended up with some book about therapists who have sex with their clients. It took at least 25 minutes to make that magic happen.
The time spent would have been fine, except I was alone on the desk, and people had started lining up somewhere during the 17th book I presented for her approval and the 40th.
It's hard out here for a pimp.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Running Wild Stream Swimmer
Currently reading: "Who By Fire" by Diana Spechler
Here at the library, we refer to people by their base characteristics as a way to name them. I just walked by the lady I think of as "Woman With No Neck". I guess it's almost like an Indian name. Native American name? Maybe mine is "Culturally Insensitive Girl".
Some favorites:
"Gay Porn Surfer With Dreads"
"Man Who Looks Like Piggie"
"Suspenders"
"Lady Who Wears White Gloves While Typing"
"Woman Who Smells Like Pepper"
"Homeschool Long Skirt Family"
"Guy Who Always Stays Past Closing"
"MySpace Girl"
"Caterpillar Mustache"
Here at the library, we refer to people by their base characteristics as a way to name them. I just walked by the lady I think of as "Woman With No Neck". I guess it's almost like an Indian name. Native American name? Maybe mine is "Culturally Insensitive Girl".
Some favorites:
"Gay Porn Surfer With Dreads"
"Man Who Looks Like Piggie"
"Suspenders"
"Lady Who Wears White Gloves While Typing"
"Woman Who Smells Like Pepper"
"Homeschool Long Skirt Family"
"Guy Who Always Stays Past Closing"
"MySpace Girl"
"Caterpillar Mustache"
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Half the Battle
Currently reading: "Whisper in the Dark" by Robert Gregory Browne
Today, a woman came in looking for information on hemophilia. She was trying to help her daughter, who had to write a paper on the topic. We see lots of parents who are doing the work their kids are supposed to be doing. I always wondered what happened later to kids whose parents did their homework. What would college be like for them? How would they cope if they were used to being "helped" all the time? I asked how old the patron's daughter was, to make sure she didn't need kid level books.
Her answer? 37.
Maybe you are never too old to have your mom do your homework.
Today, a woman came in looking for information on hemophilia. She was trying to help her daughter, who had to write a paper on the topic. We see lots of parents who are doing the work their kids are supposed to be doing. I always wondered what happened later to kids whose parents did their homework. What would college be like for them? How would they cope if they were used to being "helped" all the time? I asked how old the patron's daughter was, to make sure she didn't need kid level books.
Her answer? 37.
Maybe you are never too old to have your mom do your homework.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
You Know, A Light Read
Currently reading: "Revenge of the Spellmans" by Lisa Lutz
Where have you been, Librarian A Go-Go? Well, I'm glad you asked. I've been on a loverly vacation that has caused me to come back to the library and be kind to the patrons. It's nice, actually. I don't want them all to go home and never come back.
Last night, I had a mother who came in asking for a book on teen pregnancy. Well, she didn't want a book ON teen pregnancy; she wanted a book with a pregnant teen in it that was light and funny because her daughter was preggers. She was like, "I'm looking for a book where the main character is a teen who just happens to find herself pregnant. Then hilarity and hijinx ensued." That last part was me paraphrasing, but that was the gist.
Whoops! There I go, getting myself knocked up!
Her daughter was here, and she was maybe 16. She either has the nicest mom ever or the weirdest mom ever or both. I haven't decided yet.
Where have you been, Librarian A Go-Go? Well, I'm glad you asked. I've been on a loverly vacation that has caused me to come back to the library and be kind to the patrons. It's nice, actually. I don't want them all to go home and never come back.
Last night, I had a mother who came in asking for a book on teen pregnancy. Well, she didn't want a book ON teen pregnancy; she wanted a book with a pregnant teen in it that was light and funny because her daughter was preggers. She was like, "I'm looking for a book where the main character is a teen who just happens to find herself pregnant. Then hilarity and hijinx ensued." That last part was me paraphrasing, but that was the gist.
Whoops! There I go, getting myself knocked up!
Her daughter was here, and she was maybe 16. She either has the nicest mom ever or the weirdest mom ever or both. I haven't decided yet.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Gimme Something
Currently reading: "Thin Is The New Happy" by Valerie Frankel
A man wandered in today, asking for a book. He knew neither a title nor an author. He just knew the book was big and expensive. It was an art book done by a female artist who was "famous for Indians hidden in the woods." It was sort of like a magic eye book, but not really. It was a sort of recent book, but not really.
THROW ME A BONE HERE PEOPLE! I can't do this all myself.
My arms are sore from the heavy lifting I do around here.
******UPDATE!*******
Thanks to a comment from a lovely reader, the mystery has been solved! I stand corrected--it is easy to find books/authors/concepts/etc. if you know how to look for them or if you happen to have heard of the topic/idea/person before. I will never forget this lady/idea/series so the next time I see the patron, I can tell him of the discovery. Thanks!
A man wandered in today, asking for a book. He knew neither a title nor an author. He just knew the book was big and expensive. It was an art book done by a female artist who was "famous for Indians hidden in the woods." It was sort of like a magic eye book, but not really. It was a sort of recent book, but not really.
THROW ME A BONE HERE PEOPLE! I can't do this all myself.
My arms are sore from the heavy lifting I do around here.
******UPDATE!*******
Thanks to a comment from a lovely reader, the mystery has been solved! I stand corrected--it is easy to find books/authors/concepts/etc. if you know how to look for them or if you happen to have heard of the topic/idea/person before. I will never forget this lady/idea/series so the next time I see the patron, I can tell him of the discovery. Thanks!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The One In Which I Am A Douche
Currently reading: "Naughty Little Secrets" by Mary Wilbon
A blind man came into the library asking for some help. I, of course, ask him, "What are you looking for?" without thinking. Blind Man says, "I wish I could look for anything" and then I felt appropriately ashamed.
Once, a pair of people using sign language was walking toward the quiet study room, which my boss is a Nazi about accosting people who seem to be heading there to remind them they are not allowed to talk when they are inside that room. So she went up to the deaf people WHO WERE SIGNING and told them they couldn't talk in the quiet study room. The deaf people asked for paper, then wrote down "We are deaf. We won't be talking."
Maybe we need some sensitivity training.
A blind man came into the library asking for some help. I, of course, ask him, "What are you looking for?" without thinking. Blind Man says, "I wish I could look for anything" and then I felt appropriately ashamed.
Once, a pair of people using sign language was walking toward the quiet study room, which my boss is a Nazi about accosting people who seem to be heading there to remind them they are not allowed to talk when they are inside that room. So she went up to the deaf people WHO WERE SIGNING and told them they couldn't talk in the quiet study room. The deaf people asked for paper, then wrote down "We are deaf. We won't be talking."
Maybe we need some sensitivity training.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
We're Not A Museum, Ma'am
Currently reading: "Does This Book Make Me Look Fat?" ed. by Marissa Walsh
Yesterday, a mother called asking if we had any original documents from Colonial America. She specifically said they couldn't be reproductions, because her son's teacher wanted works written by someone from Colonial America in the author's actual handwriting.
I know this may seem odd, but...well...you see, sadly, due to budget constraints, we are unable to house a large collection of original works from Ben Franklin or Pat Henry here at the library.
I asked her to read me the assignment from the sheet, so maybe I could make sense of it. Eventually, we agreed that she could probably make a photocopy of something or print out an image of the handwritten document. I suggested she could try Poor Richard's Almanack by Benjamin Franklin. She said she had never heard of Poor Richard or Benjamin Franklin, but she had heard of Little Richard.
Close enough.
Yesterday, a mother called asking if we had any original documents from Colonial America. She specifically said they couldn't be reproductions, because her son's teacher wanted works written by someone from Colonial America in the author's actual handwriting.
I know this may seem odd, but...well...you see, sadly, due to budget constraints, we are unable to house a large collection of original works from Ben Franklin or Pat Henry here at the library.
I asked her to read me the assignment from the sheet, so maybe I could make sense of it. Eventually, we agreed that she could probably make a photocopy of something or print out an image of the handwritten document. I suggested she could try Poor Richard's Almanack by Benjamin Franklin. She said she had never heard of Poor Richard or Benjamin Franklin, but she had heard of Little Richard.
Close enough.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hidden Talents
Currently reading: "Travel Writing" by Peter Perry
There is nothing better than someone who takes himself a little too seriously. Or maybe nothing worse. A man told a co-worker he was such a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert that he is to be considered armed and dangerous at all times, even when in the shower. I'm not sure why he had to throw that last part in there, but he did. I'm not trying to say he couldn't be a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert, but he sort of loses the element of surprise by telling people about his hands slash weapons. What if someone was around that he would have had to fight later (outside and not near the library, of course)?
There is nothing better than someone who takes himself a little too seriously. Or maybe nothing worse. A man told a co-worker he was such a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert that he is to be considered armed and dangerous at all times, even when in the shower. I'm not sure why he had to throw that last part in there, but he did. I'm not trying to say he couldn't be a hardcore ninja slash martial arts expert, but he sort of loses the element of surprise by telling people about his hands slash weapons. What if someone was around that he would have had to fight later (outside and not near the library, of course)?
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
We Don't Sell Food Here
Currently re-reading: "Eclipse" by Stephenie Meyer
We have library cards with bar codes on them, and to go online, you need to scan your card at a sign-in station. Today, a man called me over to complain that he had scanned his card a few times and it wasn't accepting it. I said, "Sir, that card you've been scanning is your supermarket rewards card." Oops.
He was cute about it, and said, "Don't say it so loudly that I tried to scan my rewards card. Then everyone will know I'm an idiot!"
Him, I liked.
We have library cards with bar codes on them, and to go online, you need to scan your card at a sign-in station. Today, a man called me over to complain that he had scanned his card a few times and it wasn't accepting it. I said, "Sir, that card you've been scanning is your supermarket rewards card." Oops.
He was cute about it, and said, "Don't say it so loudly that I tried to scan my rewards card. Then everyone will know I'm an idiot!"
Him, I liked.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Mmm. Oil.
Currently re-reading: "New Moon" by Stephenie Meyer
Sometimes I mix up words. I think everyone does. Not everyone does it in such an awesome way as a man I talked to today.
I needed to check on a book that was supposed to come out in September, but still doesn't seem to be around, so I called the ALA. Yes, I called on the headquarters of the American Library Association, who was set to publish the book. I called and used the ISBN number as a way for him to find the book.
The book is called "Sequels: An Annotated Guide to Novels in Series". When he pulled it up, he said, "Oh, yes, Sequels, an ANOINTED Guide to Novels in Series." I didn't even laugh, not even after he said it three more times. I suppose the letters are close, a's and n's and t's and the like, but I can't see how any book could really claim to be chosen by divine intervention. Maybe the Bible or an Oprah book, but that's it.
I once had a patron come in and ask if I could help her use Google maps, but she called it Google-y, like googly eyes. That kept me entertained for at least two days.
Sometimes I mix up words. I think everyone does. Not everyone does it in such an awesome way as a man I talked to today.
I needed to check on a book that was supposed to come out in September, but still doesn't seem to be around, so I called the ALA. Yes, I called on the headquarters of the American Library Association, who was set to publish the book. I called and used the ISBN number as a way for him to find the book.
The book is called "Sequels: An Annotated Guide to Novels in Series". When he pulled it up, he said, "Oh, yes, Sequels, an ANOINTED Guide to Novels in Series." I didn't even laugh, not even after he said it three more times. I suppose the letters are close, a's and n's and t's and the like, but I can't see how any book could really claim to be chosen by divine intervention. Maybe the Bible or an Oprah book, but that's it.
I once had a patron come in and ask if I could help her use Google maps, but she called it Google-y, like googly eyes. That kept me entertained for at least two days.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Free!
Currently reading: "Have You Found Her" by Janice Erlbaum
You know the woman on the Progressive commercials that gets really excited about helping others save money on their car insurance? That's me when I help others realize they can use the library for free.
It honestly amazes me the number of people that come into the library that think they will have to pay to check out books. I mean, I know there are some places where you pay to check out DVDs or video games or new releases as a zoom lend, but I'd say about 90% of items are free for the borrowing.
Shouldn't there be some kind of public service announcement shouting that from the rooftops? Due to the economy, we are getting a lot more people in that have never been here before, and that's great. Things are free here, dudes. Well, free in the way that you don't have to pay, but you are already paying with your taxes, so you may as well get in here and take out what's yours.
Just remember to return it so others can feel the love that is the library.
You know the woman on the Progressive commercials that gets really excited about helping others save money on their car insurance? That's me when I help others realize they can use the library for free.
It honestly amazes me the number of people that come into the library that think they will have to pay to check out books. I mean, I know there are some places where you pay to check out DVDs or video games or new releases as a zoom lend, but I'd say about 90% of items are free for the borrowing.
Shouldn't there be some kind of public service announcement shouting that from the rooftops? Due to the economy, we are getting a lot more people in that have never been here before, and that's great. Things are free here, dudes. Well, free in the way that you don't have to pay, but you are already paying with your taxes, so you may as well get in here and take out what's yours.
Just remember to return it so others can feel the love that is the library.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Personal Space
Currently reading: "Have You Found Her" by Janice Erlbaum
I have a thing about the reference desk. It's a barrier, people, and it's one for a reason. We keep things back here we use a lot, and things that are irreplaceable, as well as it just being my workspace. It drives me seriously crazy when people come behind the reference desk. I will turn my screen around so you can see what I'm doing, no problem. I will get you anything back here you see that you want, no problem.
There was a man who sort of wandered back there this afternoon, and stayed. He picked up some book and just stood behind the desk reading it. We weren't sure if he would eventually wander away, or if he really didn't think it was weird to stand up and read a book behind a desk that wasn't his. He did wander away, after about 10 minutes. I guess we let it go on that long because we kept thinking that at any minute he would leave. After 10, he did.
Also, we had a sighting of Captain Cock, who has possibly the world's largest penis. This is a fact that can be verified through his clothes. There was once an incident where a woman on a computer next to him accused him of masturbating to which he replied, "No ma'am. That's just the natural size of my manhood. I was adjusting." The woman was really upset so the assistant director had to come and get both sides of the story and it was pretty humiliating for everyone. We haven't seen him much since, but he was here yesterday. It honestly is like a bat in his pants. Not the flying bat kind either, the wooden baseball bat kind. (Yep, I said wood. Pun intended.)
I have a thing about the reference desk. It's a barrier, people, and it's one for a reason. We keep things back here we use a lot, and things that are irreplaceable, as well as it just being my workspace. It drives me seriously crazy when people come behind the reference desk. I will turn my screen around so you can see what I'm doing, no problem. I will get you anything back here you see that you want, no problem.
There was a man who sort of wandered back there this afternoon, and stayed. He picked up some book and just stood behind the desk reading it. We weren't sure if he would eventually wander away, or if he really didn't think it was weird to stand up and read a book behind a desk that wasn't his. He did wander away, after about 10 minutes. I guess we let it go on that long because we kept thinking that at any minute he would leave. After 10, he did.
Also, we had a sighting of Captain Cock, who has possibly the world's largest penis. This is a fact that can be verified through his clothes. There was once an incident where a woman on a computer next to him accused him of masturbating to which he replied, "No ma'am. That's just the natural size of my manhood. I was adjusting." The woman was really upset so the assistant director had to come and get both sides of the story and it was pretty humiliating for everyone. We haven't seen him much since, but he was here yesterday. It honestly is like a bat in his pants. Not the flying bat kind either, the wooden baseball bat kind. (Yep, I said wood. Pun intended.)
Monday, January 26, 2009
Chatty Charlie
Currently reading: "Body Movers: 3 Men and a Body" by Stephanie Bond
Sometimes we get patrons in that are lonely, and they just really want to talk. We are free, so that makes us cheaper than therapy and there is no smoking like a bar would be if you unloaded onto a bartender. My mom is one of those people that just starts talking to people, and she says it's because she's alone a lot and when she gets near people, she just...talks. Today, we had in a sweet older man (I have a weird thing for claiming people as my grandpas if they seem like they need granddaughters to love) who wanted my co-worker to Google him. He had heard that you could find anyone on the internet and he wanted to see what people could find out about him. So my co-worker Googled him and showed him some of the stuff that comes up and he just started chatting with her about what his father said to the first girl he was engaged to and how he was in the military and he weighed 165 lbs. as a gunner, which he was very good at, and he didn't mean to brag about it, but he was. What a cute guy. Talking to the elderly can be so interesting.
Sometimes we get patrons in that are lonely, and they just really want to talk. We are free, so that makes us cheaper than therapy and there is no smoking like a bar would be if you unloaded onto a bartender. My mom is one of those people that just starts talking to people, and she says it's because she's alone a lot and when she gets near people, she just...talks. Today, we had in a sweet older man (I have a weird thing for claiming people as my grandpas if they seem like they need granddaughters to love) who wanted my co-worker to Google him. He had heard that you could find anyone on the internet and he wanted to see what people could find out about him. So my co-worker Googled him and showed him some of the stuff that comes up and he just started chatting with her about what his father said to the first girl he was engaged to and how he was in the military and he weighed 165 lbs. as a gunner, which he was very good at, and he didn't mean to brag about it, but he was. What a cute guy. Talking to the elderly can be so interesting.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Dangerous
Currently reading: "This One Is Mine" by Maria Semple
We are keeping track here today of how many times we tell people to go up to the front desk to do something. The circulation desk and the reference desk have two very different functions. I wish we could design some sort of handout explaining what you can get from each desk. Fax machine? Front desk. Microfilm reader? Reference desk. Check out books? Front desk. Put things on hold? Reference desk. So far, we have told 7 people to go to the front desk. It's nice to just be like front desk and then not have to deal with a person anymore.
Also, a woman came in looking for ASVAB books, which are books about studying to get ready for the military entrance exams (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery), but she called them HAZMAT books. The army is sort of full of hazardous materials, so I can see the confusion. They require a $20 deposit to be checked out, like our GED books. We were "losing" (read as: people stealing) about 25 of those books a year, so we now say you have to leave us $20. You'd be surprised how many people this DOESN'T deter from stealing them, I mean, losing them, anyway. At least we are covered, I suppose.
My mom says this blog seems to be full of hostility. Well, I can't be held accountable for people who do silly things! I don't mean to be hostile; I just am, I guess.
Wait! Best lost and found request ever: hair extension.
We are keeping track here today of how many times we tell people to go up to the front desk to do something. The circulation desk and the reference desk have two very different functions. I wish we could design some sort of handout explaining what you can get from each desk. Fax machine? Front desk. Microfilm reader? Reference desk. Check out books? Front desk. Put things on hold? Reference desk. So far, we have told 7 people to go to the front desk. It's nice to just be like front desk and then not have to deal with a person anymore.
Also, a woman came in looking for ASVAB books, which are books about studying to get ready for the military entrance exams (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery), but she called them HAZMAT books. The army is sort of full of hazardous materials, so I can see the confusion. They require a $20 deposit to be checked out, like our GED books. We were "losing" (read as: people stealing) about 25 of those books a year, so we now say you have to leave us $20. You'd be surprised how many people this DOESN'T deter from stealing them, I mean, losing them, anyway. At least we are covered, I suppose.
My mom says this blog seems to be full of hostility. Well, I can't be held accountable for people who do silly things! I don't mean to be hostile; I just am, I guess.
Wait! Best lost and found request ever: hair extension.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Bush-B-Gon
Currently reading: "Silent Treatment" by Michael Palmer
I know it is going to be harder now, but I am still planning my raid on the Obama children. I would love to have them as my own. They are so damn cute and very good dressers.
If they came to the library, I would be extra nice to them.
Note to Secret Service: I really have no plans on kidnapping the children, so don't tase me, bro.
I know it is going to be harder now, but I am still planning my raid on the Obama children. I would love to have them as my own. They are so damn cute and very good dressers.
If they came to the library, I would be extra nice to them.
Note to Secret Service: I really have no plans on kidnapping the children, so don't tase me, bro.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Smell Ya Later
Currently reading: "A Journal for Jordan" by Dana Canedy
I know I am going to hell. I mean, I already knew that, but it was pretty much written in stone today when I caught myself being annoyed by a patron in a wheelchair. There is some sort of unwritten rule about being nice and non-judgemental about people in wheelchairs, but sometimes, you just can't help it. Let me rephrase that: I can't help it. I don't really know what you can do.
A woman came in right when we opened and she was in a motorized wheelchair scooter thing, and she came up to the desk needing books on photography, among other topics. As I went to help her, I saw she had obviously been eating recently in her scoot-chair because there was lettuce, onions, cheese, bread crumbs, and other things all over her and in the bottom of her scoot-chair near her feet. I get that she must have trouble because she is in her chair, but I now have trouble because her salad is falling all over the library floor. Should I have been picking up her lettuce? I left it. She also had a million things she wanted and then she didn't have room for the books, so I had to put them on the bottom of her scoot-chair. I sort of brushed some of the produce aside to stack the books by her feet.
Oddly, since she was covered in her lunch, the salad scoot-chair lady didn't smell like onions or cheese or anything; however, there was a man in today that smelled like worms, as well as a man who smelled like bacon. We also have a pepper patron who seriously STRONGLY smells like pepper and we know when she is in the library because we all need to sneeze.
The summer (as you can imagine) is the worst time to have a nose in the library. It can smell like the worst locker room mixed with rotting perfume samples from our magazine storage room. Super funk, and not in The Commodores sort of way.
I know I am going to hell. I mean, I already knew that, but it was pretty much written in stone today when I caught myself being annoyed by a patron in a wheelchair. There is some sort of unwritten rule about being nice and non-judgemental about people in wheelchairs, but sometimes, you just can't help it. Let me rephrase that: I can't help it. I don't really know what you can do.
A woman came in right when we opened and she was in a motorized wheelchair scooter thing, and she came up to the desk needing books on photography, among other topics. As I went to help her, I saw she had obviously been eating recently in her scoot-chair because there was lettuce, onions, cheese, bread crumbs, and other things all over her and in the bottom of her scoot-chair near her feet. I get that she must have trouble because she is in her chair, but I now have trouble because her salad is falling all over the library floor. Should I have been picking up her lettuce? I left it. She also had a million things she wanted and then she didn't have room for the books, so I had to put them on the bottom of her scoot-chair. I sort of brushed some of the produce aside to stack the books by her feet.
Oddly, since she was covered in her lunch, the salad scoot-chair lady didn't smell like onions or cheese or anything; however, there was a man in today that smelled like worms, as well as a man who smelled like bacon. We also have a pepper patron who seriously STRONGLY smells like pepper and we know when she is in the library because we all need to sneeze.
The summer (as you can imagine) is the worst time to have a nose in the library. It can smell like the worst locker room mixed with rotting perfume samples from our magazine storage room. Super funk, and not in The Commodores sort of way.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Flirt
Currently reading: "Thank You For All Things" by Sandra Kring
Our library has more than one location, and sometimes we librarians work at a branch that is different than our home branch. I was working at a branch today when an old man came in and said, "What's cookin', good lookin'?" and it made me smile for about 4 hours after.
Every now and then, old people flirting with you can make your whole day.
Our library has more than one location, and sometimes we librarians work at a branch that is different than our home branch. I was working at a branch today when an old man came in and said, "What's cookin', good lookin'?" and it made me smile for about 4 hours after.
Every now and then, old people flirting with you can make your whole day.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
What About Bob?
Currently reading: "Thank You For All Things" by Sandra Kring
Did you know that the library is also a missing persons bureau? If you didn't, you're not alone; I didn't know it was either, but apparently, it is in my job description to know everyone's name and where they are at all times.
Yesterday, a semi-regular came up to the desk and said, "Where's Bob?", like I was involved in an elaborate hide-and-seek game. Yep, me and Bob really pulled a fast one on you, dude! I'm not telling where he is! And don't even think of looking in the 700s under games.
I asked some questions to figure out who this "Bob" was, and I realized Bob was a patron sometimes called Butt Crack Bob due to his low pants and failure to wear underwear. I told the seeker I hadn't seen Bob in like 30 minutes, and the seeker replied with, "But his car is in the parking lot!" Oh my bad. I haven't been able to stalk him as well as you have today, sir! Clearly, you already know more than I do about Bob.
Of course, in the true comedy of errors sense, as soon as Seeker left, Bob appeared, keys in hand. I don't know if Seeker and Bob found each other. I don't really care either. I have other people to go and keep monitor. It's not all about Bob.
Did you know that the library is also a missing persons bureau? If you didn't, you're not alone; I didn't know it was either, but apparently, it is in my job description to know everyone's name and where they are at all times.
Yesterday, a semi-regular came up to the desk and said, "Where's Bob?", like I was involved in an elaborate hide-and-seek game. Yep, me and Bob really pulled a fast one on you, dude! I'm not telling where he is! And don't even think of looking in the 700s under games.
I asked some questions to figure out who this "Bob" was, and I realized Bob was a patron sometimes called Butt Crack Bob due to his low pants and failure to wear underwear. I told the seeker I hadn't seen Bob in like 30 minutes, and the seeker replied with, "But his car is in the parking lot!" Oh my bad. I haven't been able to stalk him as well as you have today, sir! Clearly, you already know more than I do about Bob.
Of course, in the true comedy of errors sense, as soon as Seeker left, Bob appeared, keys in hand. I don't know if Seeker and Bob found each other. I don't really care either. I have other people to go and keep monitor. It's not all about Bob.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Time Check
Currently reading: "Wishful Drinking" by Carrie Fisher
Last year, I wrote a grant for money from Target to put on a series of programs here at the library. We were awarded the grant, and the first program in the series is tomorrow at 6.30. I called to remind people today, and one woman asked me if it was 6.30 am or 6.30 pm. I suppose if I worked at a gym that would be a valid question, but the library is open 9 am to 9 pm. Maybe she thought she had come here one day before 7 am?
The program is at 6.30 pm, and it's about organizing. The first step for the patron who asked the question may be purchasing a planner to record her appointments at the appropriate times.
Am I being too harsh? Was that a valid question?
Last year, I wrote a grant for money from Target to put on a series of programs here at the library. We were awarded the grant, and the first program in the series is tomorrow at 6.30. I called to remind people today, and one woman asked me if it was 6.30 am or 6.30 pm. I suppose if I worked at a gym that would be a valid question, but the library is open 9 am to 9 pm. Maybe she thought she had come here one day before 7 am?
The program is at 6.30 pm, and it's about organizing. The first step for the patron who asked the question may be purchasing a planner to record her appointments at the appropriate times.
Am I being too harsh? Was that a valid question?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
CL Post
Currently reading: "The Grift" by Debra Ginsberg
Sometimes people ask you to help them do things that are a little off, but we never know just how creepy/silly/insane/dirty until we are in the midst of it. Even if you conduct a great reference interview before beginning the help, they are careful to just give out brief, seemingly innocent details.
Help me post a Craigslist ad. Ok. That seems ok. I mean, who would ask the nice librarian behind the desk to help upload naked photos? Apparently, people have no qualms about asking for things.
Case in point:
Young Handsome Naked Stud For Handyman
To all who need handyman help in the home,not only will i do a great job, but i will perform all tasks while in the nude!! Most handyman work i will do are as follows-dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, windows, bathrooms, and organizing. i will also repair most things if it is not too complicated. I am 37 years old, and very handsome. I have a nice looking body and very muscular. If you would like to receive my services, please feel free to contact me on my e-mail, and i will return your response as soon as possible.
Ah, what you can do at your local pub(l)ic library. Sadly, there are no photos attached after all. We couldn't manage to get the file of the (hairy) man to pull up from his flash drive. Now everyone will have to just imagine what a young, handsome naked stud looks like. (Hairy.)
Sometimes people ask you to help them do things that are a little off, but we never know just how creepy/silly/insane/dirty until we are in the midst of it. Even if you conduct a great reference interview before beginning the help, they are careful to just give out brief, seemingly innocent details.
Help me post a Craigslist ad. Ok. That seems ok. I mean, who would ask the nice librarian behind the desk to help upload naked photos? Apparently, people have no qualms about asking for things.
Case in point:
Young Handsome Naked Stud For Handyman
To all who need handyman help in the home,not only will i do a great job, but i will perform all tasks while in the nude!! Most handyman work i will do are as follows-dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, windows, bathrooms, and organizing. i will also repair most things if it is not too complicated. I am 37 years old, and very handsome. I have a nice looking body and very muscular. If you would like to receive my services, please feel free to contact me on my e-mail, and i will return your response as soon as possible.
Ah, what you can do at your local pub(l)ic library. Sadly, there are no photos attached after all. We couldn't manage to get the file of the (hairy) man to pull up from his flash drive. Now everyone will have to just imagine what a young, handsome naked stud looks like. (Hairy.)
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
More Valuable Than Money
Currently reading: "Sweetheart" by Chelsea Cain
In Michigan, when a person buys a winning lottery ticket, the place that sold it gets a percent from the government for selling it. A gas station owner in Detroit got $2000 off his sale of a $1,000,000 lottery ticket, and as a gift to his customers, he was going to deduct 20 cents per gallon from the going rate of gas for a limited time. Today was the day of his giveaway.
The library where I work is about a 50 minute drive from that gas station, but this afternoon I helped a regular by calling to make sure the promotion was still on so he could drive the 2 hour round trip to save less than $5.
I feel like my time is worth more than $2.50 an hour, but maybe that is just me.
In Michigan, when a person buys a winning lottery ticket, the place that sold it gets a percent from the government for selling it. A gas station owner in Detroit got $2000 off his sale of a $1,000,000 lottery ticket, and as a gift to his customers, he was going to deduct 20 cents per gallon from the going rate of gas for a limited time. Today was the day of his giveaway.
The library where I work is about a 50 minute drive from that gas station, but this afternoon I helped a regular by calling to make sure the promotion was still on so he could drive the 2 hour round trip to save less than $5.
I feel like my time is worth more than $2.50 an hour, but maybe that is just me.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
No Really, It's Down
Currently Reading: "What I Saw and How I Lied" by Judy Blundell
Today we are sans web access. There are signs posted at the front of the library near the entrance, individual signs on each of the computers and the library is pretty much empty. You would think that would be enough to deter people from coming in and asking, "Are the computers working?", but you would be wrong.
Now, technically, the computers are working; they just don't access the internet. Most people think computers are really just magic machines that the internet comes in on, so for the best answer, I just say no.
People also think that somewhere maybe we have hidden secret working computers that we are hiding because we like to fuck with people. I mean, I really do like to fuck with people, but sadly, the library isn't really into that, so we don't have any internet computers bootlegging in the back so just our *special, most favorite* patrons can use them. Pay more taxes and maybe we can talk about setting up some just in case computers.
The down time is nice for us. I finished a book called "The Almost Archer Sisters" that I ended up really liking. I also like reading in my cubby with my feet up, making our sub librarian work the reference desk and handle the internet seeking masses.
Today we are sans web access. There are signs posted at the front of the library near the entrance, individual signs on each of the computers and the library is pretty much empty. You would think that would be enough to deter people from coming in and asking, "Are the computers working?", but you would be wrong.
Now, technically, the computers are working; they just don't access the internet. Most people think computers are really just magic machines that the internet comes in on, so for the best answer, I just say no.
People also think that somewhere maybe we have hidden secret working computers that we are hiding because we like to fuck with people. I mean, I really do like to fuck with people, but sadly, the library isn't really into that, so we don't have any internet computers bootlegging in the back so just our *special, most favorite* patrons can use them. Pay more taxes and maybe we can talk about setting up some just in case computers.
The down time is nice for us. I finished a book called "The Almost Archer Sisters" that I ended up really liking. I also like reading in my cubby with my feet up, making our sub librarian work the reference desk and handle the internet seeking masses.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Butter Face
Currently Reading: "Executive Privilege" by Philip Margolin
You know that old school saying about someone being a butter face, like she has a wicked hot body, and a great personality BUT HER FACE is hit? Today's patron was a butter face--literally.
A woman came up to the reference desk asking about Don Piper's "90 Minutes in Heaven", and as she was approaching, I realized she had something on the end of her nose. Yep, butter. Maybe she had been eating a bagel or some kind of baked good and got overly zealous? All I know is that it is hard to help someone when you keep looking at the huge glob of butter on her face.
Should I have told her about it? She is a semi-regular, but I don't feel all that close to her. Maybe I should have been like yo you have a shmear right here and wiped it off. Maybe not.
New Year
I'm going to make use of my creative writing skills and my library scientist cred to write a daily post of what people ask for, say, wear, smell like, demand and do around here. I'll write good stuff as well as heartwarming stuff and gross stuff. I'll do it all.
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